The Top Chef Drinking Game

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Hippie Killer asked if I wanted to write for this blog, and I gladly accepted. For my first contribution, I’d like to offer up a Top Chef Drinking Game, which HK and I road-tested last night. Okay, we sofa-tested it. I’m a big enough Top Chef fan that I read the blogs on BravoTV’s web site. Well, not all of them, since they’ve got a slew of them now, but I usually check out the judges’ blogs and Lee Anne’s. She’s the former cheftestant (from Season 1) who now works behind the scenes for the show.

In her first blog post for Season 4 Lee Anne mentioned a Top Chef Drinking Game and noted, in a live-blogging-esque fashion, each time she had to take a drink during the first episode. So of course I went Googling for the game, but the results were disappointing. Admittedly, I only checked out the first couple of pages of results, but all I found was the same fairly lame version recycled on a bunch of different food blogs. For one thing, there aren’t enough items on the list. For another, the very first one is an uncalled for slam against host Padma Lakshmi, who is supposedly unqualified to talk about anything whatsoever. (Food snobbery, or snobbery of any kind, is insufferable.) Disappointed, I decided to create my own.

I won’t claim that this is the best Top Chef Drinking Game evah, but it’s better than the ones I found. I did borrow a few items that I actually liked from the others. HK and I whipped this up moments before last night’s episode, so I’ll add more to this list as we think of them. Readers are highly encouraged to add more suggestions in the comments. (Of course, this blog hasn’t officially gone public yet, but I suppose we’ll get a few Google hits.)

Without further ado, here’s the game:

guinness_beer_record2.jpg

THE TOP CHEF DRINKING GAME

You know the rules.

Take ONE drink if:

  1. Padma says “Utensils down, hands up.”
  2. A chef says they’ve never cooked __________ before.
  3. A chef says “I’m just here to compete” or “I’m just here to win.”
  4. A chef can’t find something in the kitchen/pantry.
  5. Two words: Product placement. (Granted, this item alone could get you drunk off your ass.)
  6. The chefs draw knives.
  7. A chef makes a dessert when he/she doesn’t have to.
  8. You see a chef wearing Crocs.
  9. A chef makes a foam.
  10. A chef accuses another chef of copying an idea/style/ingredient, etc.
  11. A chef yells out how much time is left on the clock.
  12. A chef or judge says “Someone has to go home.”
  13. A judge asks a chef what the inspiration for their dish was.
  14. A judge says that a chef’s plating looks messy/sloppy.
  15. The judges say the food is too salty or not salty enough.
  16. Tom Colicchio says “This was a tough decision.”
  17. Gail Simmons is not at judges’ table.
  18. Anthony Bourdain says something that he thinks is clever.
  19. A judge asks “Did you taste it?”
  20. Gail mentions Food & Wine Magazine.

Take TWO drinks if:

  1. A chef makes a duo of something.
  2. A chef uses an ingredient that you’ve never heard of.
  3. A chef misses the whole point of a challenge or doesn’t follow the rules.
  4. A chef says that the guest judge is their hero/idol.
  5. Someone uses the phrase “molecular gastronomy.”
  6. Padma tells the chefs they will be packing their stuff in GladWare.
  7. Tom says “This is Top Chef, not Top _______.”
  8. Someone actually refers to the chefs as “cheftestants.”
  9. Someone utters any variation of the phrase “throw me under the bus.”
  10. Someone utters any variation of the phrase “stand behind your dish.”
  11. A judge says that something is inedible.
  12. A chef says “This won’t be the last you’ll see of me.”

Take THREE drinks if:

  1. A chef makes a trio of something.
  2. The challenge was obviously created primarily for product placement and doesn’t really have much to do with being a chef (I’m talkin’ to you, Bertolli Frozen Dinners!).
  3. A chef cuts or otherwise injures him/herself. (Not that I wish for this to happen!)

Do a SHOT if:

  1. A chef gets kicked off (á la Cliff in Season 2) or quits the show.
  2. A woman finally wins Top Chef.

HAPPY DRINKING!

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12 Responses to “The Top Chef Drinking Game”

  1. The Definitive Top Chef Drinking Game « Fifth Column Says:

    […] fellow fat people. Your search for that really awesome Top Chef drinking game you’ve heard about is […]

  2. MSN Says:

    When you say drinks you do mean sips?

  3. Raging Red Says:

    Yes, although gulps are also entirely acceptable.

  4. Lawbot Says:

    My wife and I have a drinking game we play during Intervention.

  5. Jackie Says:

    Awesome! I love a good drinking game, especially when it involves…drinking!

    Oh yeah, and since I’m cable-challenged I had to make one up for “Diagnosis Murder.” I’m a sad, sad man….

    But I’m diggin’ this blog 😀

  6. Chuck Anziulewicz Says:

    I don’t watch Top Chef, but I do watch Food Network a lot, and I much prefer the Rachel Ray Drinking Game … though I must warn you, it’s not for lightweights.

    For words or phrases:

    1 sip “EVOO”
    1 sip “Guys”
    1 sip “Sammie”
    1 sip “Healthful”
    1 sip “Goin’ on”
    1 sip “Hang out”
    2 sips “Stoup” (combining “stew” and “soup”)
    2 sips “Spoonula”
    3 sips “Fry-o-lator”
    +1 sip any of the above followed by an explanation of what it stands for, thus making the abbreviation useless
    1 sip “Yummo”
    2 sips any exotic variant of Yummo, like “Yummilicious” or “Yummerific”
    1 sip “Delish!”
    1 sip “Awesome”
    1 sip “Beautiful!”
    2 sip “Chop and drop”
    2 sips “Shimmy shake”
    2 sips “Worcester-sheer-shire sauce”
    1 sip “It smells good in here already!”
    1 sip “How _____ is that?”
    1 sip “I’m all about _____”
    1 sips “Room to groove”
    1 sips “You can seriously entertain with this!”
    2 sips “Some of that action”
    2 sips “Back in the day”
    2 sips “Daddy”
    1 sips “Give it feet”
    Whole drink when she creates an all-new and completely unnecessary abbreviation

    For when she’s cooking:

    2 sips when she comes back from refrigerator carrying too many ingredients
    3 sips when she drops something on her way back
    4 sips when she drops something, laughs, and says something like “potato overboard!”
    whole drink when the thing she drops is a knife!
    1 sip when she fails to provide a measurement and tells you to “eyeball it”
    2 sips when she praises “salad in a sack”
    2 sips when she uses a “secret ingredient”
    3 sips when the “secret ingredient” is nutmeg
    1 sip when she mentions “the thing that makes you go Hmmm”
    3 sips when “the thing that makes you go Hmmm” is nutmeg
    2 sips when she praises the virtues of Worcestershire sauce
    2 sips when she creates a “healthful” meal that clearly contains over 50g of fat
    2 sips when she does way more work than is humanly possible during a commercial break
    3 sips when she makes a “gourmet” dish out of cheap ingredients (e.g. Tiramisu with nilla wafers and whipped cream)
    2 sips when she expresses how good something tastes while she’s still lifting the fork to her mouth
    2 sips when she takes such a big mouthful of something it takes several seconds before she can talk again
    3 sips when she ruins something and tries to play it off as no big deal
    3 sips when she makes a dish with a name more than 10 words long

    For when she’s travelling:

    2 sips when she leaves a crappy tip
    2 sips when she shoves her nose in something to smell it
    2 sips when she claims a dessert by itself is somehow a legitimate lunch or dinner
    2 sips when she gets something for free (e.g., her boyfriend buys her a sundae)
    3 sips when she wears anything midriff-revealing
    Whole drink when she gets up on stage with a band

  7. Hippie Killer Says:

    In the spirit of Lawbot’s “Intervention” drinking game, I thought I’d share my favorite drinking game. Like Othello, it takes a moment to learn, but a lifetime to master.

    HK’s Leaving Las Vegas Drinking Game

    1. Whenever Nicholas Cage drinks, you drink.

  8. Lawbot Says:

    I want to create one for Snapped.

  9. kittenish Says:

    I would be soooo drunk if I tried to play the Rachael Ray drinking game. And I fucking hate the “EVOO” followed by Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Duh.

  10. Sister Morpheme Says:

    This may seem like a non-sequitur, but I’m trying to get everyone I like to move to my time zone, to the extent that I am researching real estate for them. (Actually, it’s just a carry-over from buying our house. It’ll go on for the first five years of our mortgage, no doubt.) Sifting through piles of real estate flyers, I’ve developed my own drinking game.

    Drink once if the ad…
    *uses “cozy” or “cute”
    *says “must see to appreciate”
    *USES ALL CAPS
    *has a glaring typo
    *uses “gorgeous” or “fabulous”
    *has “open floor plan”

    Drink twice if it…
    *ends every phrase with an exclamation point!
    *or two!!
    *specifies it’s a “real property” when it’s a trailer
    *claims to be your “dream home”
    *is “move-in ready”
    *claims the “seller is motivated”
    * asks a rhetorical question, i.e. “Need space?”

    Chug if…
    *the ad uses an abbreviation that you don’t know
    *it uses “green” to connote environmental stewardship
    *the tagline would fit just as well in a personals ad, i.e. “Future Millionaire Wanted!” or here in NM, “Ropers Delight.”

  11. Susan Says:

    I loved the Top Chef drinking game and laughed a lot while reading it. I was out and out cackling when I read the Rachel Ray drinking game. Thanks Chuck.

    Since Ron (boyfriend) is a WVU graduate, he really appreciates combining alcohol with….basically, anything.

    My young daughters love to watch Rachel with me. I think we’ll play this game tomorrow (Sat) morning. They can drink chocolate milk and I can have, oh, how about whiskey!

  12. rickshangle.com » My Top Chef Drinking Game Says:

    […] out later there’s also this, and this. Shangle’s Top Chef Drinking […]

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