The Top Chef Drinking Game

Hippie Killer asked if I wanted to write for this blog, and I gladly accepted. For my first contribution, I’d like to offer up a Top Chef Drinking Game, which HK and I road-tested last night. Okay, we sofa-tested it. I’m a big enough Top Chef fan that I read the blogs on BravoTV’s web site. Well, not all of them, since they’ve got a slew of them now, but I usually check out the judges’ blogs and Lee Anne’s. She’s the former cheftestant (from Season 1) who now works behind the scenes for the show.

In her first blog post for Season 4 Lee Anne mentioned a Top Chef Drinking Game and noted, in a live-blogging-esque fashion, each time she had to take a drink during the first episode. So of course I went Googling for the game, but the results were disappointing. Admittedly, I only checked out the first couple of pages of results, but all I found was the same fairly lame version recycled on a bunch of different food blogs. For one thing, there aren’t enough items on the list. For another, the very first one is an uncalled for slam against host Padma Lakshmi, who is supposedly unqualified to talk about anything whatsoever. (Food snobbery, or snobbery of any kind, is insufferable.) Disappointed, I decided to create my own.

I won’t claim that this is the best Top Chef Drinking Game evah, but it’s better than the ones I found. I did borrow a few items that I actually liked from the others. HK and I whipped this up moments before last night’s episode, so I’ll add more to this list as we think of them. Readers are highly encouraged to add more suggestions in the comments. (Of course, this blog hasn’t officially gone public yet, but I suppose we’ll get a few Google hits.)

Without further ado, here’s the game:

THE TOP CHEF DRINKING GAME

You know the rules.

Take ONE drink if:

1. Padma says “Utensils down, hands up.”
2. A chef says they’ve never cooked __________ before.
3. A chef says “I’m just here to compete” or “I’m just here to win.”
4. A chef can’t find something in the kitchen/pantry.
5. Two words: Product placement. (Granted, this item alone could get you drunk off your ass.)
6. The chefs draw knives.
7. A chef makes a dessert when he/she doesn’t have to.
8. You see a chef wearing Crocs.
9. A chef makes a foam.
10. A chef accuses another chef of copying an idea/style/ingredient, etc.
11. A chef yells out how much time is left on the clock.
12. A chef or judge says “Someone has to go home.”
13. A judge asks a chef what the inspiration for their dish was.
14. A judge says that a chef’s plating looks messy/sloppy.
15. The judges say the food is too salty or not salty enough.
16. Tom Colicchio says “This was a tough decision.”
17. Gail Simmons is not at judges’ table.
18. Anthony Bourdain says something that he thinks is clever.
19. A judge asks “Did you taste it?”
20. Gail mentions Food & Wine Magazine.

Take TWO drinks if:

1. A chef makes a duo of something.
2. A chef uses an ingredient that you’ve never heard of.
3. A chef misses the whole point of a challenge or doesn’t follow the rules.
4. A chef says that the guest judge is their hero/idol.
5. Someone uses the phrase “molecular gastronomy.”
6. Padma tells the chefs they will be packing their stuff in GladWare.
7. Tom says “This is Top Chef, not Top _______.”
8. Someone actually refers to the chefs as “cheftestants.”
9. Someone utters any variation of the phrase “throw me under the bus.”
10. Someone utters any variation of the phrase “stand behind your dish.”
11. A judge says that something is inedible.
12. A chef says “This won’t be the last you’ll see of me.”

Take THREE drinks if:

1. A chef makes a trio of something.
2. The challenge was obviously created primarily for product placement and doesn’t really have much to do with being a chef (I’m talkin’ to you, Bertolli Frozen Dinners!).
3. A chef cuts or otherwise injures him/herself. (Not that I wish for this to happen!)

Do a SHOT if:

1. A chef gets kicked off (á la Cliff in Season 2) or quits the show.
2. A woman finally wins Top Chef.

HAPPY DRINKING!